110614

*been five months since my last post. Was it also five months since I had time to just talk to myself?

*the past few months had been extremely topsy turvy, so as to put it mildly. And now? I'm preggers. Lol. Not really scientifically proven yet, but all the signs and symptoms are there. And, the positive PT. i don't even know where to start.

*i'm confused, i'm afraid, i'm happy, i'm excited. I'm not sure if i still know myself....... :) 

*i don't know if i could still convince myself that i can be better or be simply happy with where i'm at. 

*logic is asking more from me but being domesticated is poisoning, okay "dominating", my system. 

*i just hope that wherever the path of life may take me, that would still be the road to happiness, contentment and serenity. Whatever happens :)

061714

• ♬ If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me. And your heart starts to wonder where on earth I could be. Let me say this to you, I'm probably somewhere you aren't worth being with. And second chances may just be too far away. ♬
• This goes both to that insensitive boyf who hasn't msg'd me for the past days, even if it means he's in danger. lol. God forbid. I don't mean that. It's just that I can't help but be selfish. And another goes to that guy who unknowingly gave me hope and took it at the same time. #friendzone #doublelol I know there's a reason behind that. But again, I can't help but be selfish. Nevertheless, I wish they're in healthy conditions!!!
• What could possibly go wrong when you have incredibly amazing parents? Thank you for your graciousness Lord! #bestsupportsystem
• When thoughts come rushing...
• #toomuchfeels
• It just drawn onto me. When faced to choose between friends and a strong figure, Edz vs. Jess, Katie vs. Dondee, Marchan vs. Sr. Lala, I could've had better benefit if I chose to side with all the latter. But at the end of the day, I know I made the right decision by sticking to the previous. I don't know why. It just does, until now. #noregrets :)
• Last shot this Friday! Thank you for the 28 months. I will miss you, definitely maybe :D

041514

What's on my mind? Sad nga happy. Sad that he has to be gone for a couple of weeks and I won't be able to see him. But happy with the actualization that despite the distance, love, trust, faithfulness and respect remains. I don't think I can ever ask for more at this point. Yup, he is really the ONE I've always been waiting for and the one I have always dreamed of. The only guy next to the Big One above who could ever make me happy till the core of my soul and make me feel like though life won't be perfect, it is worth living because of the amount of love we can possibly share. For the first time in forever, I am completed and I can't ask for more. Cliché as it may, I never thought I could love someone THIS much and for someone to mean THIS much. So much that everything I do is being considered just so both of us may reach our goal. A goal for us to be together beside each other to infinity and beyond. In good times and in bad, the experience is for us to cherish together. Mama Mary, please always keeps him safe and protect him wherever he goes. Falling in love requires a humongous leap of faith, thank You a million times Lord for making sure that I am caught in the right arms of a man worth of being poured by unconditional love! Love which I have always taken from you Lord, my Shepherd and my Brother. :)

It was so easy to love him, but so difficult to just let him go. This is the first time I could think that I have willingly and undoubtedly given everything for someone. That I had to extend my patience to the last straw and yield to compromise just so we could still be together. I could think of instances when I could've just given up in trying to make our relationship work. Everytime I could think of him not giving enough effort. Everytime I get jealous with the girls who surround him. Instead, I pushed myself always a little farther. And the farther I get, the more I could say that the journey has been worth it. Else, a heart shattered into a million broken pieces would become evident. Hay. :)

140203

• Ten days after the last email. Three days after their scheduled arrival. No communication. I am a paranoid by nature and I can't help myself. It is painful to know that he's there but he hasn't reach out yet. No nothing. I could think of a lot of things, worst things. And it gets worse than worst each passing time....
• I can't talk to anyone. It's not like they could help anyway. I have been counting and counting and counting... But the counting has to stop, though I don't want it to end. A flicker of hope still remains, but reality has to be faced. Present should be prioritized.
• It's okay to stumble but never remain on the ground. Pick yourself up right away! For a while, I don't want to hear anything about sea, ships, engagement, Skype, Daanbantayan and probably about anything that could remind me of heartache. DO. NOT. EVER. MENTION. </3
• HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE!
• If you can't love me at my worst, you certainly don't deserve me at my best!