062115 Today.

June 2014, it has been a year when I came to a point in life where I almost had it all as a young professional. I got a position in the government working on a project I was actually passionate and interested about with occasional travels and speaking engagements around the region, was on my 2nd half of masters studies with incredibly brilliant colleagues and mentors,  manually drove (emphasis on manual so I can tell myself, I am a certified driver!) a shiny red auto in black stilettos and corporate blazers, a debit card that was one swipe away from my periodic indulgence. My bank  statement was worth some digits then.  Not to mention, I got the best support system of my parents, friends, a religious community close to my heart, and a God-answered-and-given boyfriend. I could safely say I was productive round the clock.

Then, just a few months after, I got pregnant, delivered a healthy baby boy and had to walk in an unfamiliar phase of life all over again sacrificing everything I once had. Right at this very moment, I wish I should've clung to it and enjoyed it a little bit longer. I miss those days..............

040515 Easter not Happy

Holy Week did not serve it's purpose/goal for me to reflect. Badong has been so busy and it has been too hot to go outside the house. I feel like I have disappointed Jesus by being an irresponsible disciple. :(

I'm ranting here because I don't have anyone to talk to, y'know, just have someone you can pour your heart out and is just there to listen and empathize. I need someone who will listen and give me credit. I need someone to push me into doing something worthwhile. But I guess that has just to be myself huh? Push myself to be productive.......

I want to go some place else, I want to go in a vacation. Go to the beach with friends, catch up and just relax. But no I can't because people have their own lives, I have no money to waste and the scorching sun outside the house is enough reason to hide inside..........

But being inside the house for almost a week now invites depression to creep in. And, my hair, it sucks. It won't behave. 

Hahahayyyyyy T.T 

041415

I admit to being indifferent. I am indifferent to those who look down at me. To those who think they are better and holier than thou. I am indifferent to those who look up to me. To those who ogle and try to be impressive, when clearly they're not. just mere fools they are. I prefer to spend my time with people who mind their own business as I do with mine. Those who have other things going on in their lives than just their own little world. 

Psychology tells us that when there are things we hate, we should look into the core of ourselves instead. But should there always be a reason? Should everything need to be explained? If we do not know the reason, then we do not truly understand. Is this a panacea? Should there even be one?